The Measure of Your Worth
Creativity is vulnerable
A writer’s work can give us a lot of insight into the writer themselves. It can give us a sense of what’s going on in their life and heart, what sort of ideologies they hold, and where they stand on issues. Their work can also reflect their skill as a writer and their understanding of their craft.
Being a creator is vulnerable. It’s kind of scary putting our creation out there. What if people don’t like it? What if no one is interested?
It’s very easy for our work to become a reflection our self-worth, and any criticism we may receive can break us down. While there are certainly elements that make a written work good, we forget that creativity comes from the heart first and the heart is sometimes messy. The worst part is that we are our worst critics. If you struggle with beating yourself down and being hyper-critical about yourself, you will be the same with your craft.
The danger here lies in that we begin to strive for perfection.
The pit of perfection
Head over to any social media platform and you’ll be bombarded with posts about how to “max” your eyebrows, wardrobe, lips, organization, parenting…you name it! There are a million ideas out there for how you can be the best you possible. At least that’s how they’re packaged. Usually, they’re about what you’re doing wrong and “here’s how you fix it, so you comply with what society says is in at the moment.” Depressing isn’t it?
On one hand, we can think of that bombardment as an insurmountable mountain that we’ll never be able to overcome because it just keeps growing with all the new opinions about how you need to change.
However, I prefer to think of it like a pit because, every time you choose to engage the opinions, you’re digging yourself into a deep hole.
“Don’t waste your time with that genre. Here’s what publishers are saying is in right now.” Dig.
“Readers hate it when writers do this.” Dig.
“Here’s why no one is reading your story.” Dig.
Soon we lose sight of level ground and who we really are.
Striving for perfection is a form of performance. Performance comes out of a desire for acceptance and recognition and is directly rooted in our worth, or more specifically, our lack of belief about our worth. Our perceived value of our worth is rooted in how we perceive our value to Jesus. We always say that His opinion matters the most, but do we really believe it?
The measure of your worth
Ask yourself these questions:
Do you feel the pressure to perform in order to please God or others?
Do you feel like you don’t measure up to people’s expectations?
Do you feel worthless when people criticize you?
Do you talk negatively to yourself?
Do you compare yourself to others?
(Questions modified from Cultivating Kingdom Creativity by Theresa Dedmon, 2009.)
If you answered “yes” or “sometimes” to any of those questions, it may be time to sit with Jesus and ask Him a few questions. I think the starting point for being a confident writer is becoming a confident person, and that starts in our identity in Christ.
Worth is the measurement of sacrifice we assign to things that hold value to us. That looks like monetary payment, work to be done, or giving things up. To Jesus, you hold so much value that He decided you were worth dying for.
That’s a weighty thought.
Did you get it, though? When we hear it so often, it’s easy to become used to that thought, and it doesn’t hold the same weight it did at first. Read it again: Jesus saw so much value in you that He decided you were worth dying for. Dwell on that for a moment and let it sink it. It's a sobering thought, isn’t it?
If He was willing to die for us, who are we to call ourselves worthless? Ugly? Useless? A failure? Who are we to devalue what Jesus died for?
The Bible says to take every thought captive and submit it to the lordship of Jesus.[1] His sacrifice is the plumbline by which we measure every thought about ourselves. There is no other measure of your worth.
Love personified
Let’s do an exercise.
Imagine if love was a person. Imagine if all the love you could possibly dream of were a physical person standing before you. What does that love look like? What is its smile like? Laugh? How do you think that love carries itself? What do you think it does for others?
Now imagine that the personified love is all directed at you. How does it express itself? How does it look at you? How do you feel? Do you feel overwhelmed or awkward? Do you feel unworthy or ashamed? Do you feel overjoyed? Excited? Overwhelmed in a good way?
Now let’s give love a name: Jesus. Imagine all that love wrapped up into Jesus. How does He look at you? Does He look how you’d expect love to? Does He look sad or disappointed? Does He look excited and pleased? Does He look at you with wonder and pride? Go back to what you felt when love looked at you before and expressed itself, do you feel that way with Jesus? Don’t think about how you know you should feel. How do you actually feel?
If you sense any sadness or disappointment in Jesus’ eyes, or if you feel ashamed, awkward, or unworthy when He looks at you, let’s spend some time finding out why. Those feelings are an indicator that you are believing a lie about either you or God, and whether you realize it, that lie playing into your self-worth.
If you think sin might be in the way, deal with it. Sin isn’t allowed to hold you back. Repent of the sin, ask forgiveness, give Holy Spirit permission to hold you accountable. Remember, if you feel the temptation again, it doesn’t mean you’re not free. That’s the enemy trying to get you to sin again. Say “no” and tattletale on the devil. Take it to God.
Now take those negative feelings and put them in Jesus’ hands. Ask Him why you feel that way. Keep digging and asking questions until you come to a lie about yourself or God that you are believing. It will be an “I am…” or “God is…”
God might show you a picture, bring back a memory, or speak using your thoughts. He’ll likely use your imagination. Lean into faith and trust that you are hearing Him, even if it sounds like yourself.
Once you get to that lie (or lies), repent for believing it and break the agreement you’ve made with it. “Lord, I repent for believing that… (insert lie here). I recognize that it is a lie and I break the agreement I’ve made with it over my life.”
Now ask Him for the truth. Again, lean into faith. Embrace the truth: give Holy Spirit permission to hold you accountable to it and make a plan with Him for how you are going to embrace truth. The plan could look like writing the truth down somewhere, acting differently in situations that trigger the lie, or it could be as simple as reminding yourself of the truth each time you feel the lie trying to rear its head. Again, lean into faith and trust that you are hearing the Lord clearly.
Ok, now that we’ve taken some time to deal with lies, let’s do some writing.
Go back to that place where you are standing before Jesus and all His love is directed at you.
Start by writing out what love looks like. How does He look at you? How do you feel?
Ask Him why He loves you and write out what He says you. You might see pictures or you might have one word. Write it down and follow His lead. Ask Him to expand on it. If a story arises, play it out; if a poem starts to sing; go with it. Let the pen (or keyboard) flow. Often, when I journal issues with the Lord, at some point, He starts speaking into the situation. I just keep writing. Sometimes, I get complete sentences; other times, I don’t, but the impression of what He wants to convey is there and I just go with it.
Keep following His lead until you feel your work is done. If there is a symbolic element to it, write down a few notes for what it means so you can remember in the future.
Notes:
[1] 2 Corinthians 10:5
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